she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
