I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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