I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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