Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
