My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
