Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
