Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
