I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
