I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
