Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
