Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize