the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
