we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
