do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
