Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
