onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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