did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
