Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
