weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
