My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
