can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
