Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
