1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
