lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
