Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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