I met the friendliest cop last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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