Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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