Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
