everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
