There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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