walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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