Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
