I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
