Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
