i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
