No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
