My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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