Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
