plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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