I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
