Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
