I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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