So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
