Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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