oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's never too late to be topless.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
