I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
