Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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