I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
