some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
