Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
