So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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