I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
