Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
