I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
