I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
