I can tuck mytits in my pants
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
