Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
MIDGETS
????
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
