Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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