My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
