dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
