Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
