Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
