are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
