Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
