Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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