the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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