You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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