im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
