Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
