I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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