We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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