Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize